The Cheap Dress Retaliation
by starfish001
Summary: Penny is having a bad night and goes looking for something to make her feel better, causing Sheldon to have to deal with the emotional fallout. As usual, he attempts to use science to figure it all out. Set sometime in season 2, ignores season 3, so AU.
1. Chapter 1

That stupid, arrogant, pompous _jerk_.

So maybe her dress wasn't Gucci or Prada, who cares? She had thought she looked good in it. And maybe she _was_ 'just' a waitress, but at least she was working hard and managing on her own. And she was getting some acting jobs here and there, it was a tough business. Where the Hell did that jackass get off making her feel so…so…_worthless_?

Penny couldn't work out what she had even seen in the guy in the first place. Sure, he was cute, and he had a good job…but he had just completely humiliated her in front of all his stupid, arrogant _jackass_ friends. She had left the restaurant in tears, mortified.

She took another swig from the bottle in her hand. She was pretty sure it was rum, but she couldn't taste it anymore. It hurt her throat though, and that was _good_. She could focus on that and not how small and pathetic she felt. But it was nearly all gone, and that was gonna be a problem.

She reached out unsteadily and put the empty bottle on the table. There was no more liquor in the apartment. She wracked her brain through the alcohol fog. It was too late to head for the shops. Maybe the guys would have something she could take for now…

Wobbling slightly, Penny found her emergency key to 4A. Damnit, this _was_ an emergency. She could sober up at any time.

She stumbled as she crossed the hall and had to stop to take her shoes off. She left them lying where they fell. Stupid outfit had cost her over a hundred bucks; what a waste. She had loved the dress, sexy but not slutty, in a blue that set off her eyes and showed just enough cleavage. But they had even made fun of that, just because it didn't have some posh designers name scrawled all over it. Now she wouldn't be able to wear it again without remembering how she felt tonight.

It took her a few goes before she managed to get the key in the lock and she cursed at each failed attempt. She nearly fell into the room when it finally clicked open. Looking around, she felt a twinge of guilt. Sheldon would _freak_ if he knew she was in here and planning to root through his stuff. She listened closely but didn't hear any movement from the guys bedrooms. Not busted yet then.

God, it was so _tidy_ in here. She found herself smiling a little involuntarily. She had an urge to go mad and trash the place, messing it up in an act to parody Sheldon's intrusive cleaning of her own apartment all those moons ago. The thought made her feel…naughty...

She suddenly thought of Leonard sleeping metres away; how sweet he was, how much he doted on her. Not like the jerks she always ended up dating. The thought made her angry again. She was sick of being made to feel like crap by losers.

She would show them.

All plans of obtaining alcohol were suddenly abandoned. She pulled herself upright and staggered drunkenly to Leonard's bedroom. Leonard was smart, and funny, and he _wanted_ her. Tonight was not going to be a washout. This dress would get her some action if it killed her. And maybe she wouldn't feel like a complete nothing anymore afterwards.

…

She stumbled into Leonard's room in a rather undignified manner, making the door rebound off the wall and nearly smack her in the face. She cursed loudly, then more quietly when she realised his bed was empty. Shit. She couldn't even have rebound sex right.

Maybe Sheldon would know when he was due back.

…

Sheldon woke with a start.

"Danger! Danger!"

There had been a noise. From inside his apartment.

It had sounded like a curse. And it had been distinctly feminine.

Sheldon knew only one woman who would dare come into his apartment uninvited.

Penny.

He clambered out of bed and started for the door, but it swung open before he could reach it. The hall light was on. Standing, or rather wobbling, in the doorway was the outline of an undoubtedly drunk Penny.

"Penny? What are you…?" Sheldon tried to shake the fuzz from his brain as he struggled to focus.

She interrupted him. "Where's Leonard, Sheldon?"

"He is at a conference presenting his 'research' to a bunch of ill-educated pseudo-scientists". He paused. "Why are you looking for Leonard at" - he squinted at his Batman alarm clock -"1.37am?"

Penny visibly sagged. For a moment she looked lost. Then she pushed past Sheldon and sat down heavily on his bed. He blanched.

"Penny! People can't be in my bedroom! And certainly not on my bed!"

"Oh my God, Sheldon! Can't you just relax for one minute?" She rolled her eyes. Sheldon could just make it out in the glow from the light in the hall.

"Am I to take it you are in emotional distress and require Leonard's assistance once again?"

The glow meant he just caught the flush spreading across her face.

"Er…yeah. Kinda…"

…

Sheldon looked at Penny. She had clearly been on a date, judging by her outfit, and it had clearly not gone well, judging by the tear-stained face and smudged makeup. Something about her sitting there, looking so distressed, made him feel odd. He didn't like it when she was upset - it made him uncomfortable - but truth be told, that wasn't the only thing that was making him feel strange. It was the dress, he decided. Or more precisely, the areas the dress didn't cover. He found he had to make a conscious effort to keep his eyes above Penny's neck line.

Clearly being woken so abruptly was playing havoc with his ability to remain objective in the presence of the female form. It was embarrassing, really; he had always prided himself on his ability to rise above such base desires, but evidently all it took was to be caught unawares by a flash of décolletage and he was reduced to the level of Wolowitz. Pathetic.

He cleared his throat.

"Penny. Leonard will return tomorrow afternoon. I suggest you return to your apartment and imbibe plenty of clear fluids and analgesia in an attempt to minimise the effects of your inevitable hangover. I'm sure Leonard will be glad to assist you in resolving your emotional turmoil tomorrow."

…

Penny could hear Sheldon talking, but the words were just washing over her. As usual. Why couldn't he just talk normally? She supposed it was a kind of compliment; he didn't dumb it down for her, he must figure she could understand some of it. Or maybe it was just that it didn't occur to him that she _wouldn't_ understand. He certainly seemed oblivious to the majority of what was going on when it came to non-science stuff.

She glanced up, just in time to see Sheldon quickly tear his eyes away from her chest.

_Well, hello Dr Cooper…_

Maybe not so oblivious after all.

She scrutinised him as he continued talking. He was looming over her in the dark; how tall _was_ he? 6'1, 6'2? A bit skinny, maybe, but actually kinda cute. Dark hair and very nice blue eyes. His pupils looked huge in the dark. Good bone structure, and fantastic hands and forearms somewhere under those plaid pyjamas. Nice forearms were a bit of a thing for her. And intelligence _was_ sexy…

Oh, wow. Where the Hell was this coming from? Had she really just thought of _Sheldon_ and _sexy_ in the same context?

Oh, screw it. Her mind kept wandering back to the jackass and his friends, laughing at her. That feeling of being two inches high, of humiliation, of hating herself almost as much as she hated them. She needed to feel wanted, and she needed a distraction - something to think about other than what a complete failure she had made of her life. Worrying about having had hugely inappropriate sex with the best friend of the man who probably loved her but whom she had absolutely no romantic interest in…yeah. That would be a distraction.

As soon as she had made her decision, she was on her feet. Sheldon stepped back in surprise, but she followed him until his back was pressed against the wall. Before he had time to react, she was balancing unsteadily on her toes, her arms around his neck and her lips pressing tightly to his.

…

Sheldon didn't quite know what was happening. He had been advising Penny of the benefits of various electrolyte replacement beverages in the reduction of hangover symptoms and suddenly she was kissing him. He had frozen, feeling her lips move against his in a way that was completely alien yet not entirely unpleasant. Of course, the fact that she was pressing her breasts firmly against his torso meant that certain primal instincts were taking over. He found himself kissing her back uncertainly and his hand cupped the back of her head, fingers weaving into her hair. One of her hands was leaving his neck, and working its way down the front of his pyjama top. Then she was under the fabric, stroking the taut skin of his stomach. The feeling sent shivers of electricity over his body and up to his brain…

…where it activated an area that had never had cause to be used before. Ethical considerations as they pertained to his own sexual activities were not something he had ever had to think about, but the taste of alcohol on Penny and the fact that her hands were now wandering dangerously close to his waistband – coupled with the fact that she had never displayed any inclination to do this whilst sober – meant that alarms were flashing in his head.

He was quite sure that this would be considered taking advantage of a vulnerable young woman; the idea was distasteful and made him uncomfortable, he had been raised better than that. Also, it was something his mother would have _very_ strong opinions on should she ever find out. He wasn't sure how she would ever find out, but it frankly wasn't worth the risk.

He let out an involuntary squeak at the thought and pulled away from the kiss, grabbing her hands to stop any further exploration of his pants.

"Penny…!" He couldn't think of anything else to add, and as soon as Penny realised this she went back in for another kiss. He moved his head and gently took hold of the tops of her arms, manoeuvring her away from him. She stood unsteadily and looked up at him, tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Penny. I really don't think this is a good idea." His tone was gentle.

"Sheldon…_please_. I just need…I've had such a horrible night and…I need to feel better. Make me feel better, Sheldon." She was biting her bottom lip and there was a pleading in her eyes that made Sheldon's stomach flip. He had never wanted, or _been_ wanted like this before. But she looked so small and vulnerable, swaying gently before him in her bare feet, he _couldn't_.

Admittedly, he wouldn't know where to start even if he _could_, but the evidence thus far suggested that instinct would take care of that. Certainly all systems appeared to be go in the relevant biological departments. He shook the thought from his head.

"Penny, I don't understand. What's happened?"

The look of concern in his eyes pushed her over the edge, and she started sobbing. "I'm just sick of it, Sheldon! Sick of the stupid Cheesecake Factory, sick of stupid directors and castings, sick of guys who think they can use me for one thing and then make fun of me in front of their stupid _fucking friends _after I spent a hundred dollars on a stupid dress! I just want to be with someone who likes me for _me. _And tonight, I just wanted someone to hold me and be nice to me and make it all…just go away for a while. Getting guys to sleep with me is the easy part! But tonight I couldn't even do that properly_. _What's wrong with me, Sheldon_? _Why don't _you_ want me?_"_ She had started angry, but by the end she just sounded…defeated. Sheldon was used to Angry Penny, who had threatened - and delivered - untold horrors when he had banished her from his social circle. He had never seen her just…give up. It disturbed him. He sighed.

"Penny, there is nothing 'wrong' with you. You are a beautiful, caring young woman with many sought-after qualities, notwithstanding your continued need for external validation. My desire for you was not thwarted by anything you did; rather it was my own concern for your wellbeing that prohibited me from continuing." She looked up at him again, confused. "So you _did_ want to sleep with me?" "Well, of course I did. I believe certain changes in my physiology would have indicated that." Penny thought he looked a little embarrassed. "But I consider you a friend, and I do not wish to 'take advantage' of you whilst you are inebriated. I care too much for both you and for our friendship to risk that. I would also hope that, if you had found Leonard before me, he would have responded the same way." Penny suddenly felt awful. Here she was, laying into Sheldon for not wanting to risk their friendship by sleeping with her, when she had made it blatantly obvious that he had been her second choice of the evening. A choice she was now beginning to think had been the wrong one from the outset. She had felt more passion in that one kiss with Sheldon than she had done in entire on/off history with Leonard. That was just...confusing.

"Oh, God. Look, I'm sorry Sheldon. I shouldn't have come here and laid all this on you. I'm just drunk and emotional and I don't handle rejection very well." She sighed and sniffed back the last of her tears. "I'll be fine, OK?" She pulled herself together and gave him a little smile. He still looked concerned. She debated with herself for a minute before adding: "And…for the record…I totally understand why you stopped, and I do appreciate it. But I still kinda wish you hadn't. I mean, I think we could've had some fun together…" She shrugged resignedly and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"Ok, I'm gonna head back to bed and drink a gallon of water. Good night Sheldon. And thanks. You actually made me feel better." She gave him a tipsy grin, then turned to walk out of the room. She stopped when she felt strong fingers curl around her wrist.

"Penny…" Sheldon stepped forwards, bringing her close to him. Then he dipped his head and softly pressed his lips against hers. It was the sweetest, gentlest kiss she had ever recieved, and the shock of him initiating it made her head spin. She opened her mouth and felt his tongue brush lightly against hers. Then it was over, and he pulled away without meeting her gaze.

"Your dress is beautiful. And any man who treats you that way is a fool who doesn't know what he's lost." His eyes met hers.

"Also…maybe next time you require external validation, you could come over before you have so much to drink…?"

His eyes twinkled and she blushed…but found herself smiling at the thought.


	2. Chapter 2

Penny woke face down on her bed, a small puddle of rapidly cooling drool forming under her cheek. Feeling suddenly grossed out, she lifted her head only to let out a cry at the pain that shot through her brain as she moved.

_Oh, god._

Squeezing her eyes shut to block out the horrifying sunlight, she took a mental inventory.

Bed empty? Check.

Apartment empty? Check.

Clothes on? Check.

_Appropriate_ clothes on? Um...nope. She was still wearing the hundred dollar humiliation dress. Clearly the zip had proven too worthy an adversary at 2am.

So far though, not too bad. But there was something else clamouring for her attention... something about a guy. She had the feeling she usually got the morning after a good date; that buzz of excitement, the anticipation of where it was going to lead.

Which was confusing, because she was pretty sure her date with Rick had ended with her calling him a bastard in front of all his friends before storming out and hitting the bottle in a one-woman pity-party. Which, whilst giving her a certain amount of satisfaction, had not led to the _particular_ kind of satisfaction that she usually associated with the grin that was itching to plaster itself over her face.

She decided to stop worrying about it until she had persuaded her brain to stop bouncing off the walls of her skull, and very gently sat up. By the side of her bed were a huge glass of water and a packet of pain pills, which seemed like excellent planning on her part. Maybe she hadn't been that drunk? She downed the pills and drained the water, then started feeling around for the zip on her dress. Thirty frustrating seconds later she gave up, reached for the bottom of the dress and hauled it over her head. She heard the fabric tear and winced. No refunds on that, then.

Right, shower, then coffee.

She was sure the guys wouldn't mind her borrowing some milk.

....

Sheldon had slept badly. After Penny had left he had tried to go back to sleep, but his head had been spinning. Two cups of hot milk later and he was starting to wish he had some of Mrs Wolowitz's pills.

He wasn't sure what was bothering him most about the encounter. Whilst he was not, contrary to popular belief, a robot, he certainly didn't have the same level of libido as Leonard et al appeared to. Their obsession with women appeared to him to border on the pathological at times. And yet, he had kissed Penny. Twice. More, he had issued her an invitation; to return when sober, presumably with the intention of taking things further. Why had he done that? He had meant the things he had said to her; Sheldon Cooper did not do meaningless platitudes. But to go from appreciating someone's attractive qualities to issuing an invite to have sex? Sheldon Cooper didn't do that either. Usually.

Her unexpected kiss had clearly awakened something in him; some desire that he had neglected in favour of physics. He wondered if it was specific to Penny, or if a kiss from any woman would have had that effect on him. It was this thought above all that was causing his sleepless night; or rather, its implications.

At 6am he abandoned his bed and got up to prepare for work. He pondered asking Leonard for advice when he returned, but the thought of sharing what had happened made him feel uncomfortable. He felt intuitively that this should remain private; and besides, Leonard was sure to voice some kind of ridiculous territorial claim over mating rights for Penny.

The thought made him furrow his brow.

He clearly needed to do more research.

....

Penny soon ascertained that her milk was, as she had expected, lumpy. She grabbed her key to the guys apartment; Sheldon would bitch, but she didn't care. As she thought about him, something nameless niggled at her; nothing she could put her finger on, but a definite...niggling.

Maybe she needed to cut down on the drink. It was doing weird things to her.

As it turned out, she needn't have bothered with the key; Leonard was coming up the stairs as she opened her door, looking rough after driving all night to get home. They looked at each other.

"Wow, you look awful."

"Jeez, what happened to you last night?"

They both smiled ruefully. Leonard spotted the mug in her hand. "Coffee?"

She shook her head. "I have that. Just stealing milk today."

He grinned. "Come on in. I'm driving Sheldon to work so you can steal in peace pretty soon."

There, again, was that niggle. She frowned briefly, then shook herself as Leonard opened their door.

"Sheldon! I'm back. Come on, lets go before I fall asleep and you have to dig out the bungee cord again!"

Penny wandered over to their fridge and pulled it open, perusing the contents. She heard the bathroom door shut.

"Leonard, could you please not shout? I had very little sleep last night and now have a headache." _He sounds tired_, she thought, which was quickly followed by _well of course he's tired, you woke him up. _Which didn't make much sense. Confused, she swung the door of the fridge shut.

Which revealed Sheldon, looking at her with the expression of a deer caught in headlights.

_Pretty much the same expression he had when you tried to seduce him last night_, _actually _the anonymous thought-voice chimed in.

_**Holy crap on a cracker.**_

The two stood, face to face; Penny's jaw practically on the floor and Sheldon trying admirably to recover himself. He had somehow expected to have a little more time to plan for this situation, but never mind. He drew himself up.

"Good morning, Penny. Stealing our milk again I see." He raised one eyebrow, Spock-like.

Penny managed to close her mouth and threw a quick glance at Leonard to see if he'd noticed anything. He was sat on the arm of the couch looking like he was about to start snoring, so she figured they were fine.

"Damn. You caught me, Sheldon." She tried to read his face but it was inscrutable. For a long moment they just continued looking at each other, before a grunt from Leonard pulled them back. He had slipped off the couch. Sheldon suddenly turned to him. "Leonard. Why don't you wait in the car? The fresh air may make you more alert and so less likely to kill us both in a burning fireball on the way to work." Leonard nodded dully.

Sheldon waited until he'd left, then turned back to Penny.

"How is your head this morning? Did you follow my advice?"

Despite her shock, Penny smothered a small smile. After everything that had gone on last night, Sheldon was worried about her hangover. It was kinda sweet.

"It's fine Sheldon. Thank you. Um. How are _you_?" She was worried he would be freaked out, but if he was then he was hiding it well. He appeared to give her question some thought.

"I will admit to a certain...confusion. Also, I was unable to return to sleep after your visit so am suffering the effects of mild sleep deprivation. However, I do not appear to have any negative feelings regarding what occurred." She looked at him, before asking the big question that was on her mind.

"Ok. So how do you feel about what _didn't_ occur?"

He looked at her blankly. "I don't understand."

She sighed. She could feel her headache coming back.

"Sheldon...did you mean what you said? Just before I left? About...next time?"

"Oh." He looked surprised. And confused. "I'm not really sure. Certainly it was very enjoyable, but I have very little experience in this area. Possibly I hadn't thought through the consequences of the...invitation."

"Oh." It was Penny's turn to be surprised, although she didn't know why; had she really expected him to still want her in the cold light of day? This was Sheldon, a man to whom sex was like the surface of the moon; something vaguely interesting from a scientific point of view, but not somewhere he was particularly interested in visiting. She was also surprised to realise that surprise wasn't the only emotion there. Something approaching disappointment appeared to be lurking in the background, and she filed it away for further consideration after coffee. "Ok. I guess we should just forget it happened then, right?"

"That sounds...sensible" Sheldon agreed, although she thought she saw a small frown skip across his face as he spoke.

"You should probably go. Leonard'll be asleep by now and I'm probably still too far over the limit to take you myself." She gave him a small smile, and watched as he nodded and picked up his messenger bag. He reached the door, then turned, fiddling with the strap across his chest.

"The remainder of what I said to you last night is still applicable, Penny." She blushed a little, remembering his words; they _were _the nicest things anyone had said to her in a long time. And he had certainly seemed to want her then. She found herself idly wishing he didn't have so many damn morals.

"And, Penny?"

She met his eyes from across the room. "Yes, Sheldon?"

He paused, considering his words carefully. She realised she was holding her breath.

He frowned slightly, then reached for the doorhandle.

"Please don't take _all_ the milk."

He was gone through the door before she had found something to throw at him.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I have no idea how long this is going to be...I have a vague story arc in mind but am just going to have fun with it and see where it meanders in the meantime...

PS: Thank you to everyone who's reviewed, you guys keep me going!

* * *

"I require your assistance."

Raj looked up from his lunch as Sheldon appeared in the seat opposite. He stared at him pointedly.

"Good afternoon Sheldon. Please, join me. How are you? Oh, good. Me? Well apart from having been _abandoned_ half way through lunch when Wolowitz went chasing after a grad student with breasts bigger than my _head_, I'm fine."

The other man stared at him blankly. Raj sighed.

"OK, what do you need?"

Sheldon pulled a piece of paper out of his bag and placed in on the table.

"First, I need you to sign this." Raj looked at him enquiringly. "It's a confidentiality contract. What I'm about to tell you must remain strictly between us." The look turned to bemusement. "What happens if I break the contract?" Sheldon pointed at a paragraph. "The consequences of a breach of contract are outlined here. I suggest you read them carefully, however the general gist is that I would be forced to inform your parents of the elaborate lie you have constructed in order to get out of spending the holidays with them this year."

"So why the hell should I sign?" Raj frowned. "I don't have to help you, you know. It's not the law."

Sheldon tilted his head and raised an eyebrow at him.

Raj sighed. "If I don't help you're going to tell them anyway, aren't you?"

Sheldon pushed the contract over to him. "Do you need a pen?"

Raj narrowed his eyes and snatched up the contract. He pulled a pen out of his pocket and signed angrily. "There. You know, you didn't have to resort to blackmail, I would have helped if you'd just asked! Now what the hell is going on?"

Sheldon picked up the contract and scanned it briefly, before tucking it back in his bag.

"Very well." He paused.

"I kissed Penny last night."

He waited patiently for a response from Raj, but after a minute realised he wasn't going to get one. "Raj?" He waved his hand across the other mans field of vision a couple of times with no success, then clicked his fingers in front of his face. "Koothrappali!"

Raj's eyes refocused themselves on Sheldon. "Dude...Penny?! What the hell?! How?"

"Well actually, she kissed me first. Then after some discussion I initiated a further kiss."

"Wait, _she_ kissed _you_?" Raj looked at him suspiciously. "Was she drunk?"

Sheldon sighed. "Of course she was. She had originally come in search of Leonard in the hope of having intercourse with him. When she couldn't find him, she obviously decided that I would be an adequate substitute."

"What, she wanted to have sex with you?! And you said...?"

"I said no, of course. A gentleman doesn't take advantage of inebriated young women in the throes of emotional anguish."

Raj considered this. "Dude. Leonard totally would have hit that."

Sheldon scowled. "I would hope not, but fear you may be correct. In any case, I did not, as you put it, _hit that._ I did, however, invite Penny to return when sober with the implication that I may be amenable to intercourse then."

Raj stared at him, slack jawed. "You? Sheldon Cooper? Invited Penny to have sex?" He stopped suddenly. "Oh, Ok. I get it." He smiled. "This is one of your 'classic pranks', yes? Bazinga?" He looked at Sheldon's expressionless face. "Ok. No bazinga."

"No."

"So why did you invite her back? Are you attracted to Penny, is that what you're telling me? Do you _want_ to have sex with her?"

For the first time since the conversation started, Raj thought Sheldon might be uncomfortable. He took a small pleasure in the knowledge.

"This is why I require your help. My experience with women is virtually non-existent; save for the time my cousin's friend trapped me behind a cattle barn and kissed me when I was 11, I have never been the object of any kind of sexual desire. I need to know whether my response to Penny was a generic form of arousal as would be experienced by an intimate encounter with any woman, or whether it is indicative of deeper feelings on my part for Penny in particular."

Raj frowned. "Okaay. So, what _exactly_ do you need me for?" He took a sip of his diet coke.

"I need you to help me find a woman to experiment with."

Raj coughed, sending sprays of coke over his sandwich to Sheldon's visible distaste. "Experiment?! Dude, the only women who might even _consider_ letting you experiment on them charge by the hour."

Sheldon scowled. "I was thinking of something a little less sordid. Otherwise I would have gone to Wolowitz for assistance."

Raj thought. "So, do you mean like a date? Or just a...hook-up? Like meeting someone in a club and going back to their place?" Not something he ever thought he would be asking Sheldon, he realised.

Sheldon looked unsure. "Which of those situations would allow me the best comparison to what happened with Penny? Ideally I would wish to keep the variables similar to ensure valid results."

"I really don't know, dude. I guess a date? Since you already knew Penny before you kissed her, so it's not like a random hook-up. Maybe you go on a couple of dates with someone, then have a goodnight kiss – or whatever" Raj's mind helpfully blanked out the image that tried to spring to mind "– and see how that makes you feel?"

Sheldon considered this. "Very well. I will go on a date." He looked off into the distance briefly. "Raj?"

"Yes, Sheldon?"

"How do I get a date? The only other women I know are Ramona and Leslie Winkle, neither of which I have any desire to spend any time with socially."

Raj thought about it. Whilst Sheldon claimed that he had never had women interested in him before, Raj had seen the looks he got around CalTech. Admittedly, a lot of them were glares from people he had inadvertently offended, but quite a large number were from female students who were acutely alert to the presence of any geek who didn't look like they lived with their mother. Cute guys were in short supply round here, and Sheldon had that tall, dark and serious thing that women seemed to like going on.

"Just...leave it to me. I'll make a few calls." A thought occurred to him. "You realise you're going to have to disrupt one of your nightly routines for a date?"

Sheldon looked briefly pained. "I suppose, if I must. It seems necessary under the circumstances."

Raj looked at him. "You're pretty serious about this, aren't you?"

The other man looked grim. "Absolutely. That woman is in my head, Raj. I need to know why."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: A couple of short chapters...just scenes I had sitting in my head. Some more actual story soon, I promise!

* * *

She was late. Work had been a bitch; the manager had made her stay back when one of the other girls hadn't shown, and a toddler had hurled a handful of spaghetti mush at her and now she'd have to try and scrub the stain out of her uniform. As exhausted as she was, though, she found herself standing in the shower grinning at the thought of spending the evening with the guys. Even Sheldon.

She had tried to ignore the thoughts about the other night that kept assailing her, and had been pretty successful at putting the whole thing out of her head. She had put her disappointment at his not wanting to follow up on his invitation as being down to the dent it had left in her ego. She couldn't remember the last time a guy had rejected her _twice_, and even if it was only Sheldon and he had a good reason (i.e. being Sheldon), it still smarted a little.

Still, she knew a way she could get her revenge...

She gave a cursory knock on the guy's door then walked in without waiting for a reply.

"Alright, peeps! I got my game on, let's play Halo!"

She was met with silence.

She looked around the apartment, confusion dawning, as Leonard appeared from the direction of his bedroom.

"Penny, hey!"

"Hey...where is everyone? What happened to Halo night?" She had a sudden thought and grimaced. "Is Sheldon ill?"

Leonard grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and handed it to her. "Maybe. Something's going on with him anyway." He looked up at her with his eyebrows raised. "He's on a date."

Penny felt the bottom drop out of her stomach as her eyebrows simultaneously shot up. "He...he _what_?"

Leonard grinned at her shock. "I know, right? Raj set him up with a grad student. Jenny something I think?" He paused and looked thoughtful. "Well, you know Raj...he text some guy who knew a guy who knew her, there was no actually _speaking_ involved." He gave a little laugh, but trailed off when he realised she wasn't joining in. "Um. Anyway. Isn't it weird?"

"Um, _yeah._" She tried to gather her thoughts. "Why? I mean, did he _ask_ Raj to set him up? Or is this you guys just playing some mean joke on him again?" Leonard looked at her, surprised at the vehemence in her voice. To be fair, she had surprised herself. When did she start giving a damn who Sheldon spent time with?

"Um, no...? He asked Raj to arrange it, apparently. He was muttering something about an experiment." He looked at her quizzically.

"Oh. Right." _Pull your self together, damn it. _She forced hervoice up a couple of octaves, but even to her it sounded fake. "So...where'd they go?"

Leonard eyeballed her suspiciously, but didn't call her on it. "Siam Palace I think. They just left, Raj is dropping him off. He and Howard should be back after that if you wanna hang around...? I mean, you don't have to..." By the end of the sentence his voice had taken on the rushed, uncertain tone he usually used when asking her questions. He was always so damn careful how he spoke to her; as if he was afraid of upsetting her, she realised. She wished he would just be a bit more confident; hell, be a bit more of a _man_. But not a jerk, like the guys she usually went for; they were _too_ manly. Practically prehistoric, in fact. She sighed inwardly. She knew Leonard still had a thing for her, but right then she couldn't think of anything she wanted less.

Well, not completely true: she didn't want Sheldon to be on a date with some bitch called_ Jenny._

Huh_. Wow._ She realised she was suddenly feeling very protective of the lanky scientist.

She was also feeling inexplicably tired all of a sudden. Her mood had plummeted and she felt a strangely deflated.

"Actually Leonard...I'm _really_ tired. I think I'll have an early night" she said vaguely, walking backwards towards the apartment door, still clutching the unopened bottle of water.

Leonard watched her leave, equally deflated, and a little confused about what had just happened. He watched as the door shut behind her, then looked over at Sheldon's empty spot. His eyebrows knitted together, and he threw another look at the closed door.

_...Nah..._


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Sorry if the OC is crap. My first attempt at one...she won't be around for long, anyway...

* * *

Sheldon stood in front of the restaurant adjusting the cuffs of his sports jacket, only half listening as Raj wittered on at him. The shorter man seemed determined to share his probably rather limited knowledge of women with him, despite Sheldon's attempts to communicate lack of interest through determinedly avoiding eye contact or offering a verbal response. Finally, he snapped.

"Raj. Stop." Raj stopped.

Sheldon raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms. "Your attempts to 'coach' me in how not to 'blow this' - however well intentioned - are not necessary. I am perfectly capable of maintaining a conversation with a woman when I have a vested interest in doing so."

Raj look at him uncertainly. "Dude...are you sure? I mean, apart from Penny, there aren't that many girls who seem willing to spend more than thirty seconds in your company without making excuses to leave. And I'm not just talking about the room. Sometimes they even leave the _state_."

Sheldon scowled. "That is patently ridiculous. And anyway, I hardly see how it would be relevant to this situation. I've never made any particular effort to converse with any woman apart from Penny. This, however, is an experiment, and I fully intend to gather enough data to come to a valid conclusion. If that first requires me to engage in banal conversation over an undoubtedly mediocre meal, then so be it." He stopped short when Raj nudged him, and turned quickly to follow the other mans gaze. Walking towards them was a woman whom even Sheldon had to admit was striking; tall and slim, with a mane of chocolate brown hair that cascaded over her pale shoulders. She was wearing a delicate green dress that swung a few inches above the knee and set off her luminous eyes.

Raj squeaked. Sheldon threw him a disdainful glance.

The woman reached them and flashed a perfect smile. "Hi Dr Cooper." She looked at Raj with curiosity. "Dr Koothrappali?"

Sheldon looked at Raj who appeared to have zoned out whilst staring at her, then quickly rolled his eyes and sighed in frustration. "Dr Koothrappali was just leaving" he said pointedly, tilting his head.

Raj started, then looked from Jenny to Sheldon and back again. Wordlessly, he threw his arms around Sheldon, who stiffened at the contact. "Oh, good Lord." Raj gave him a quick squeeze and patted his back in a way that somehow managed to convey _dude, she's gonna eat you alive_, then withdrew and threw the woman another look before shaking his head mournfully and retreating to his car.

The pair stood in silence for a moment, watching him leave. Then Jenny turned to Sheldon and gave him a shy smile.

"Dr Cooper? I just wanted you to know, I'm a big fan of your work. I was so excited when my friend said you wanted to meet me."

Sheldon turned to her. "Jenny. Social convention dictates that you no longer call me Dr Cooper; Sheldon will suffice. Now, since you are already 13 minutes late, I suggest we find our table without delay before my digestive routine becomes completely disrupted."

"Oh. OK. _Sheldon_." she nodded. She had been warned about his eccentricities by some of the guys at the university, and felt prepared. She could tolerate _odd_ just fine; there weren't many geeks who weren't a little off the scale when it came to social awkwardness, and as a physics student she spent her days surrounded by some of the finest. She wasn't naive; she knew she was attractive and was usually more surprised when she actually met a guy who could hold a conversation whilst meeting her eye. Sheldon, however, was a whole new breed of strange.

She looked up at him and he met her eyes without hesitation. "Good." He held open the door for her. "I've booked the table in the corner to allow for increased privacy. It is also furthest from the bathroom, so we shouldn't be at risk from airborne bacteria." He looked at her seriously.

Yep. This was going to be an entirely new kind of dating experience.


	6. Chapter 6

"So, what was she like?" Leonard asked, pulling a little wooden block out of the trembling tower and balancing it delicately on top.

Raj considered the question carefully as he negotiated a tricky manoeuvre, and frowned. "Dude...she was a _goddess_."

Howard scowled at him. "So you knew there was a single, sexy, super intelligent _senorita_ on campus and did you think of me? No. No, you decided to set her up with a man who makes C-3PO look like a cuddler. How could you do this to me, huh? I thought we were _friends_." He paused and looked pointedly at him. "You realise you lose your brisket privileges for this?"

Raj frowned. "Hey, no fair! I didn't realise how hot she was when I set them up! I mean, she's a girl physicist, I thought she'd look like a female _you_."

Howard grunted, then thought for a second and brightened. "Hey, after Sheldon blows it with her maybe I should give it a shot. I bet after a date with him she'll be desperate for some attention from a _real_ man." He stretched, puffing his chest out. Leonard looked at him sceptically. "Howard, you still live with your mother. Sheldon used to shoot _bobcats_. I think he's got you beat in the manliness stakes." Howard visibly deflated.

The opening bars of the Imperial March started emanating from Raj's jacket pocket. He fished out the phone and groaned as he glanced at the screen, then hit 'answer'.

"You blew it, didn't you?" he said accusingly. He listened for a minute and winced.

Howard grinned and Leonard watched with curiosity as Raj rolled his eyes. "Yes. Fine. I'll be there in ten minutes. And so help me god if you get red wine on my car seat." He hung up.

Leonard an eyebrow. "Red wine?"

Raj sighed. "Oh yeah. He blew it."

...

Sheldon was standing outside the restaurant attracting odd looks. Raj couldn't decide if it was the fact that he was making no effort to hide the big red stain on his previously beige shirt or the fact that he was still gently dripping onto the sidewalk that was drawing the attention. There was no sign of Jenny.

He pulled the car over. Sheldon climbed into the passenger seat and fastened the seatbelt without a word. Raj stared at him expectantly, but the other man studiously avoided meeting his gaze by staring out the window until he finally realised they weren't moving. He turned, eyebrows raised.

"You do realise this is a restricted parking area. I hope you won't expect me to contribute when you get a ticket."

Raj ignored him. "I drove all the way here to pick you up. I was totally winning at Jenga. So are you gonna tell me what happened or do I have to demonstrate to you how I can steer this car with my feet again?"

Sheldon narrowed his eyes at him. "Firstly, you cannot have been 'winning' at Jenga; there is no cumulative scoring system. Secondly, we _both_ know you wouldn't do that again; you can't afford to replace another headlight."

"Holy cow, Sheldon, just tell me what happened."

He looked irritated. "_Alright_. Would you like the comprehensive version or just the edited highlights of my humiliation?"

"Edited."

"She threw red wine on me."

"A little less edited."

Sheldon sighed. "Fine. It started out pleasantly enough; she was willing to engage me in a conversational topic of my choosing and although clearly no match for me academically, she wasn't quite as intellectually stunted as I had first feared. However, she then proceeded to order a third glass of wine, at which point_ I_ suggested that perhaps she should refrain from becoming too intoxicated in order that we could later engage in physical intimacy without any loss of judgement. _She _then said she didn't usually engage in intimacy until the third date. Obviously I informed her that this was unacceptable to me and that the sole purpose of the current 'date' situation was so that I could experience some manner of physical contact afterwards." Raj winced and a look of recognition flashed across Sheldon's face. "There! That was the look the waiter gave us too. Curious." He looked perplexed. "Anyway, that was the point at which she stood up and poured a large glass of Merlot over me."

Raj looked at him and slowly shook his head. "Dude...."

Sheldon looked confused. "I still don't understand where I went wrong. I was perfectly honest regarding my intentions."

The other man sighed. "Sheldon, women don't like being told that you are only dating them so you can have sex with them." The confused look remained. "But I didn't want to have sex with her."

"Well, make out with them, _whatever_."

Sheldon's eyebrows knitted. "So, based on that theory, I should have lied to her? Because that seems ethically highly dubious. "

Raj felt his head start to hurt. "Well, no."

"Well then, what should I have said?"

"Look, Sheldon, I don't know, ok! This whole date thing was obviously a bad idea."

Sheldon sat silently for a minute. "So. What do you suggest we do now?"

Raj looked at him. "Plan B, dude."

Shelldon looked quizical. "Which is?"

The other man sighed. "Random hook-up."

He wasn't sure quite how he rated Sheldon's chances, but figured they would improve exponentially if he could find somewhere loud enough to take conversation out of the equation.


	7. Chapter 7

Penny was heading across the hall to the guys apartment when Sheldon appeared on the stairs. A brief but intense debate waged briefly inside her head as she tried to decide whether or not to ask about The Date. She finally figured she should work out her own feelings on the matter first before starting _that_ conversation.

"Hey, Sheldon"

"Penny." He acknowledged her with a tilt of his head.

"Do you mind if I borrow some of your Dr Who DVDs? Got a big night planned...popcorn, the Doctor and a half bottle of gin." She gave him a grin.

Sheldon frowned at her. "Very well, but the same caveat applies as when you borrowed my X Files DVDs." She waved a hand dismissively. "Yeah yeah, I know. Anything I spill sticky crap on I'll replace."

He pulled out his door key, then paused and turned to her. She could see him mulling something over.

"Penny, may I ask you a hypothetical question?"

She blinked. "Um, sure. I guess."

He looked uncomfortable. "Say, hypothetically, you and I were to go on a date. If I said something that implied that I was only dating you in order to have intercourse, what would be your reaction?" He watched her closely as she digested the question. She was temporarily lost for words as the image of the two of them on a date flashed into her head, then she quickly buried it and focussed. She frowned a little.

"Um. If _you_ said it? I guess...I'd probably assume you didn't mean it. Like it was a mistake? Or maybe one of your odd little social experiments. Y'know, where you treat us like lab rats." She grinned at him again.

He considered this.

"So you wouldn't attempt to seek retaliation for the perceived slight through discharging a volume of alcohol over my person?"

The part of Penny's brain that was now set aside to translate SheldonSpeak scrambled into action, and she winced in sympathy.

"Aw, no, sweetie, I wouldn't..." she thought for a second, before adding "...maybe with anyone else, though, I would."

Sheldon frowned as he returned to unlocking the door. "In that case, why would you behave differently if it was me?"

The question flustered Penny, and she was glad he was too distracted with opening the door to notice. He put his keys in the bowl and started unpacking things from his messenger bag, as she hovered uncertainly just inside the doorway.

"Um. Because it's _you_. I'd know you wouldn't mean anything by it. I mean, I can't say I'd be thrilled if I thought you were just using me for sex, but I don't think I'd really believe you'd do that. Y'know?" She took a deep breath, then dove in. "Especially after you were so, like, chivalrous the other night and everything." She felt gratified – and a little smug - at the small flush she saw spread across his cheeks; he wasn't the only one who could turn a conversation uncomfortable, she thought.

He cleared his throat and spoke without looking at her. "Very well." He paused for a second, then continued slowly unpacking. "The DVD's you require are on the shelf."

She wandered over and perused them before picking out some of her favourites. She looked over at the back of his head and tried to sound casual. "You know, I got a ton of popcorn if you fancy joining me? We could do a whole marathon thing and you could give me a long, pointless lecture on the science of the TARDIS."

She thought she saw him stiffen briefly, and waited for him to start a rant about the inability of her brain to grasp the physics involved. There would probably be something about her apartment not having space for an actual ton of popcorn, as well. Instead, he turned to her. "No, thank you. I have plans."

"Oh. Ok." She tried to hide her surprise at his response. Screw it, she thought; who cared if he knew she was curious? "What plans? I thought it was anything-can-happen Thursday."

"Indeed. And tonight Raj and I will be going to a club." The word sounded strange coming out of his mouth and she bit back a laugh. "A club? Really? Wow." Lots of firsts for him recently, she observed. "Um, why? I'd have thought that would be your idea of hell...all those people having fun and everything..." she teased. She realised, a little embarrassingly, that her tone could have been construed as being somewhat flirty. Sheldon gave her a look that managed to communicate tolerant irritation.

"Again, that is true. However, I am conducting one of my 'odd little social experiments' as you put it, and this one requires a situation in which the consumption of imprudent quantities of alcohol reliably results in a decline in the inhibitions of the patrons, however disagreeable I may find the actual setting."

She pulled a face. "You sure you wouldn't rather come watch Rose and the Doctor fight some creepy aliens?"

"My preferences at this point are irrelevant; this research is important" he said curtly.

For some reason, Penny found herself feeling annoyed at his refusal to join her. She hadn't set out with the idea of inviting him over, she was sure, but the urge had gripped her suddenly. She now wondered what exactly she had been planning to do with him when she got him alone and if it may have had something to do with being rejected by him twice before. And now...now she felt he had done it again. Which was irrational, but then she was the first one to admit that being rational wasn't high on her list of strengths.

She sighed irritably. "Fine."

He gave her a look she couldn't decipher. "Are you angry at me, Penny?"

"No!" she snapped.

"Well, certain changes in your body language, facial expression and tone of voice would tend to suggest otherwise. What exactly have I done?"

"Nothing, Sheldon. Just go to your club, ok? I'm sure you'll have a blast as long as you don't have to spend any time actually _talking _to anyone. Especially the lab rats." She fought back the urge to say everything that was on her mind. "Just...enjoy your stupid experiment." His face darkened. She ignored him and grabbed the door handle.

As she started to open it, he spoke from behind her. "Penny?" She stopped, but didn't turn. "What, Sheldon?"

There was a fraction of a seconds pause. "Perhaps you should ask Leonard to join you tonight. I imagine he was your first choice anyway."

She closed her eyes at the hint of bitterness in his voice, then threw herself out into the hall. The sound of her apartment door slamming made Sheldon jump.

He wondered why he had said that, and if maybe he had crossed some sort of line. He was sure she would let him know eventually.


	8. Chapter 8

"Did I just hear a door slam?" Leonard had let himself into the apartment and was peering back through the door as he spoke. Sheldon hadn't moved in the few moments since Penny had left, and was standing in the middle of the room replaying the conversation over in his head and hoping for clues. "Yes. Apparently I have done something to upset Penny. Again." He scowled.

Something in Leonard niggled at him, the vague feeling that there was something going on that he was missing. The other man was looking tired; Leonard thought he had heard him moving about during the night, muttering quietly. Sheldon usually slept like the dead.

He put the thought to the back of his mind, then tilted his head back and squinted at him. "What did you say to her?" Sheldon drew a blank; he could see why his remark about Leonard might have upset her, but she had been angry with him before that and he just couldn't see why. He cast a resigned glance over to the door. "I really have no idea."

It was Leonards turn to look at the door, in his case somewhat longingly. "Well, do you think I should go over and talk to her?"

Sheldon looked back at him blankly. "Why? Whatever has upset her almost certainly has nothing to do with you. It is between me and Penny. Why would you choose to get involved?"

Leonard turned back to him. "I just thought I could help." Sheldon snorted. "Unlikely." He turned and started walking towards his bedroom, then something occurred to him and he turned back. "Leonard? What does one wear when attending a nightclub?"

Leonard looked at him and frowned. "Seriously? A nightclub?" This was something else new. He couldn't quite decide whether this may be even stranger than The Date – which Sheldon had resolutely refused to discuss and rapidly started handing out strikes when questioned about – although to be fair that would take some beating in the weirdness stakes.

"Yes. It's another phase in my social experiment." Sheldon pre-empted the inevitable question with a response that, whilst certainly not a lie, was also not entirely the whole truth, then deftly attempted to steer the conversation towards safer grounds. "Raj is accompanying me, he should be here shortly."

Leonard opened his mouth as he tried to find a reply to the clothing question, then gave a little shake of his head and shut it again. "I have no idea, Sheldon." He looked dubiously at the other man for a moment. "I think you might need to lose some of the layers though - with all those people it's bound to be warm." Sheldon nodded thoughtfully. "Perhaps a single T-shirt will suffice tonight."

"Good idea." He thought back to the one time he had been dragged to a nightclub; he had been twenty-two, and very drunk, and trying to impress a girl. It hadn't worked – she had left with someone freakishly tall, or at least he appeared so from Leonard's vantage point slumped semi-conscious on the floor under a table - and he had very little memory of the whole sorry event. He did remember that everyone had looked very cool and sophisticated, and that he himself had not. "Um, have you got anything apart from that jacket to wear?"

Sheldon looked perplexed. "What's wrong with my jacket?"

Leonard winced. "Nothing. But it's not really the sort of thing you'd wear to a club. I don't think." He looked down at Sheldon's trousers. "Nor are the chinos, come to think of it."

Sheldon looked down at himself, then up again. "Huh. Alright." He thought for a second. "My sister always insists on buying me unsuitable clothes for my birthday. Maybe I have something more appropriate for a nightclub amongst them." Leonard made a vaguely encouraging noise and watched as Sheldon vanished into his bedroom.

As soon as he was out of sight, Leonard quietly let himself out of the apartment and crossed the hall. He knocked on Penny's door and winced at the 'WHAT?!" that was screamed in reply.

"Um. Penny? It's Leonard" he stage whispered, glancing back over his shoulder awkwardly. He had a brief moment of painful self-awareness when he realised he was being completely stupid, that he didn't have to answer to Sheldon even if he did catch him at Penny's.

He still didn't raise his voice. "Can I come in?"

There was no reply from inside, so he opened the door. Penny was sat on the couch, her arms crossed protectively; she had been crying, but he couldn't see a bottle anywhere. For some reason, this worried him more than if she _had_ been drinking.

"Hey." He stood awkwardly and fiddled with the cuffs of his shirt. She sniffed and looked up at him. "What do you want, Leonard?" she asked tiredly. He threw another guilty look back over his shoulder. "Um. Sheldon said he upset you. Are you ok?" She ignored his question and proffered one of her own. "Oh, he did, did he? So tell me Leonard; if _he_ upset me, why the hell isn't _he_ the one over here?" The quiet heat in her voice made him uncomfortable, and he debated abandoning his plan before deciding he needed an answer to the odd question currently buzzing in his brain. He sat next to her, just out of striking distance - he hoped - and bit the bullet. "Look, Penny. He's been really weird lately, and so have you, kinda." He swallowed. "Is there something I should know? Something with you and him?" He tensed, waiting for a response.

It wasn't what he expected. Penny simply stared at him until he started fidgeting then sighed, closing her eyes briefly. "No, Leonard. There isn't. He was just being a jackass, as usual. I should know better than to let him get to me like that."

It was the answer he had been hoping for and he seized on it. He nodded and released the breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding, then smiled tentatively. "Oh. Well, ok then."

Penny softened as she watched him. She reached out a hand and rested it gently on his leg. "Thanks for being a friend, Leonard." He gave her a goofy grin and she felt her heart ache a little for him.

He cleared his throat. "Ok! Well, um. I should go. Sheldon's going to some club tonight and I wanna see what he finally decided to wear before he leaves." He grinned as he got up. She stood up and instinctively gave him a hug, then watched as he left, still grinning. As he opened the door, she saw the one opposite open at the same time and impulsively peered past him to get a better view. What she saw gave her actual, honest-to-God _butterflies_.

Sheldon had stopped to speak to Leonard, and it took a few seconds for her brain to interpret what her eyes insisted she was seeing. Gone were the staid trousers, the multiple T-shirts and beige jacket, replaced instead with dark denim jeans and a black leather jacket. Alright, so the single remaining T-shirt still had some superhero logo on it (Green Lantern, her brain supplied from nowhere), and he looked like someone had stuck a stick up his ass he was fidgeting so much, but..._wow_.

Understanding dawned, sudden and terrifying.

She could kick herself. How had she been so goddamn _stupid_? She thought back; to the night they had kissed and how she hadn't wanted it to stop, to her jealousy over his date, to the feelings she had been desperately downplaying ever since. Bruised _ego_? What the hell was that? Staring at him, looking so different yet still undeniably _Sheldon – _the posture, the hair, his expressions and speech pattern, the eyes (_oh god, the eyes) _– she realised. It wasn't that she had been rejected that made her feel like crap. It was that she'd been rejected by _him_.

She had a crush. And it was on Sheldon Cooper.

And now...now he was going to a club looking like _that_?

She gently closed the door as she felt her stomach plunge to her feet.

...

Sheldon saw her watching them. He couldn't identify the expression on her face, although it seemed less harsh than when she'd stormed out. And definitely blotchier. He didn't like it when she cried. Nor when she shouted at him, which, to be honest, she did more often. He turned slightly so he couldn't see her; he was losing his train of thought and it was disconcerting. He could still feel her eyes on him, raising the hairs on the back of his neck, and he made a mental note to research the sensation as soon as practicable.

He fidgeted under her gaze and felt uncomfortable in the unfamiliar clothes. Still, one must suffer for science on occasion. He would be glad when this whole thing was over, however. He was hoping that once he had his results, he would somehow be able to extrapolate a method for dealing with the strange sensations he had been experiencing.

Maybe, hopefully, he would finally be able to get an entire night's sleep for the first time since Penny's visit.

...

Leonard had also noticed Penny watching them. Or rather, he thought miserably, watching Sheldon. Being more attuned to the nuances of communication than the other man – a feat not altogether difficult, admittedly - he had better luck interpreting her expression, and he realised he'd been an idiot. He thought back to the conversation moments ago. Now that he could see it, he realised Penny hadn't reacted to his accusation as he'd anticipated; he'd expected –hoped for - either anger or laughter, maybe a snort of derision, possibly even a 'me and Sheldon?! Come _on'. _The words had been right, but the feeling behind them had been off_. _She hadn't ridiculed the idea. The realisation felt like a kick in the gut, quickly decimating the all-too-brief feeling of quiet happiness he'd had when she'd hugged him. When did the idea of being with Sheldon become so unremarkable to her?

He snuck another glance at her. About the same time she started looking at him with barely concealed desire, he supposed.

* * *

A/N: I'm not sure about this chapter, but I've given up on it. Next one will be more interesting! (Probably.)


	9. Chapter 9

The club was only half full, with it being 8.30 on a Thursday night. Raj had ordered drinks and was sipping at his grasshopper when Sheldon finally finished arguing with the bemused looking toilet attendant. Apparently the fact that the only cubicle in the men's was out of order was not sufficient reason to attempt to use the ladies - an argument Sheldon had made vociferously yet ultimately fruitlessly - and he looked disgruntled as he took a seat on the bar stool next to Raj. The music wasn't improving his mood; it was contemporary rhythm and blues, if his judgement was correct, and the thumping bass line was making his insides vibrate strangely. He looked for an outlet for his irritation.

"I thought you weren't drinking tonight? I certainly hope you're not planning on driving us home intoxicated." He scowled. Raj looked at him levelly. "Sheldon. Do you really think I could come to a club and watch you try to hit on girls without having alcohol? It would be like going to the movies with no _popcorn_." Sheldon just stared at him, lips pursed. Raj sighed. "No, I'm not driving us home intoxicated. I'm leaving the car here." The other man looked shocked. "Here?! Raj, this is an area with an extraordinarily high crime rate. Did you not notice the graffito on the wall outside? That kind of vandalism is almost certainly indicative of a local 'street gang' culture. I wouldn't be surprised if we get mugged on the way out as some kind of initiation rite."

Raj rolled his eyes. "Sheldon, I hardly think spray painting a giant penis on a wall is the kind of thing the _Crips_ concern themselves with."

"Nevertheless. Any vehicle left here overnight will almost certainly be broken into."

Raj considered this over a sip of his drink, then brightened. "Good. Perhaps they'll steal it." The other man looked at him in confusion. "It's a heap of junk dude; if they take it my net worth may actually go _up_ a little."

Sheldon gave an irritated sigh. "Well then, how do you propose we get home?"

Raj shrugged. "We'll take a cab."

Sheldon's look of horror was almost comical. "What?! Oh dear _Lord_. Raj, you know I don't take cabs. They're filthy repositories of bacteria and body fluids, and inevitably driven by people who appear to have gotten their licence by driving a humvee whilst under mortar fire. I'm not taking a cab."

Raj slid a drink over to him. "Dude, relax. That's why I got you this. A couple of those and the cab won't seem like a big deal anymore, I promise." Sheldon scowled at him again. "I'm not getting drunk just so that you can get out of our social contract. And the alcohol certainly won't protect me from any diseases the cab is carrying."

Raj grinned and shrugged. "Fine. I look forward to your efforts at approaching women sober." Sheldon cast a quick glance around at the immaculately made-up , half-dressed women surrounding them, then turned back and narrowed his eyes at him.

"Very well. Point taken. But if my inebriation impacts on the collection of data for my experiment then I will be holding you personally responsible." He picked up the drink and took a small sip, wincing at the taste. Raj grinned.

...

An hour later and Sheldon had been persuaded to have two more cuba libres and was working on another; he had winced a little less at each subsequent sip and was starting to feel gently and not unpleasantly intoxicated. His clothes has stopped being uncomfortable shortly after the first drink had slipped down, and he had been forced to discard his jacket – with a harsh warning to the coat check attendant – when it became unfeasibly warm very quickly. He felt a light sheen of sweat on his skin and tasted salt when he licked his upper lip. He drank quickly to replace the fluids he was losing; the vague thought occurring that maybe he should alternate his drinks with water. It didn't seem a particularly important thought.

Raj had been right, not that Sheldon was prepared to admit it to him; the idea of the cab home was now a minor issue, particularly when placed against his task for the evening. The club had livened up and he and Raj stared wordlessly at the gyrating bodies on the dance floor, Raj with wide eyes and an enormous grin and Sheldon with a growing feeling of disquiet. On the plus side, most of the women seemed also to be inebriated, which he felt would be of assistance when it came to persuading them to become intimate. However, he was beginning to wonder exactly how one approached a woman in these situations; did one just go up and ask if they would be willing to kiss you? Whilst that seemed to him to be the most efficacious way of going about things, he had a feeling it wouldn't be that easy; if it were, he doubted Raj would still be sitting next to him looking longingly at the crowd whilst bobbing his head gently to the beat.

His train of thought was derailed abruptly when he felt a light hand on his shoulder. It felt unexpectedly intimate through the single layer of fabric and he looked up, startled. A young woman smiled back at him. Pale and bespectacled, with strawberry blonde hair chopped into a chin length bob, she was unlike anyone else in the club. She wore a minimal amount of makeup that allowed the few freckles scattered across her nose to show through, and a quick glance assured Sheldon that she was actually dressed quite modestly compared to the rest of the clubs clientele. Certainly none of the other patrons appeared to be wearing DM's and patterned pantyhose with their dresses. He raised a quizzical eyebrow. "Yes?" She leaned in slightly towards his ear and pointed to the spare chair next to him, speaking loudly over the music. "Do you mind if I sit here? My friend's hooked up with some guy and left me a gooseberry." Sheldon frowned. "Then why don't you just leave?" The girl cocked an eyebrow but didn't seem offended. "She's my ride. I'm hoping once she's finished sucking his face she'll remember that."

"Oh. I see. Very well" he gestured towards the chair and she hopped up onto it.

He felt an elbow dig into his side and turned to see Raj looking at him with raised eyebrows. He conveyed the girls' story to him and Raj gave her a little wave, which she returned with a smile.

"Dude, she's cute!" Raj slurred slightly into his ear. "Maybe she'll be amenable to a little _experimentation, _yes?" He waggled his eyebrows. Sheldon considered her for a moment. "Perhaps."

"So do you think she could float your boat?"

"I presume by that you are asking if I am sexually attracted to her?"

"Yes. Yes I am."

Sheldon performed a brief internal diagnostic. Heart rate, respiration and digestive processes all appeared unaffected by her presence. "It does not appear so. However, I was unaware of any sexual attraction to Penny prior to our...encounter."

Raj watched the other mans face twitch as he mentioned Penny. As intrigued as he was to see just how Sheldon would cope with the realities of a one night stand, he had a brief crisis of conscience. He knew he had agreed to this – blackmail notwithstanding - but now that it came down to it he was wondering if it had been a mistake bringing Sheldon here. He was pretty sure the cuba libres had been a step too far; four steps, in fact, and he was feeling a little guilty. Sheldon had been weird since the Penny thing, but Raj wasn't sure he would have gotten _this_ weird without his help. He never really thought of Sheldon as having feelings, but clearly he did, and Raj wasn't convinced opening this particular Pandora's box was going to be a good idea whilst under the influence of alcohol.

He sighed. "You know, I'm still not sure I understand what's going on here. You think you might be attracted to Penny, and you're going to figure it out by kissing other girls? Doesn't that seem a little strange, dude? I mean, are you really sure you want to go through with this? You're not exactly Casanova; this is a big thing for you, right?"

Sheldon gave him a scathing look. "I see no reason not to follow appropriate scientific methodology here, Raj. If I simply kissed Penny again, that would only prove that kissing Penny caused a physical and emotional response, a fact I was already well aware of. Kissing another female is the only way to determine whether it is a generalised response or specific to her."

Raj looked at him curiously. "Well, do _you_ think it was specific? I mean, you must have some sort of gut feeling about something this big."

Sheldon looked down at his empty glass as he spoke. "I suppose. I'm reluctant to draw any firm conclusions yet, however."

Raj wasn't a great study of body language, but right now he could read Sheldon like a book. He may as well have had the word _**denial **_printed across his forehead. For some reason, Sheldon was determined to prove he wasn't attracted to Penny.

The scientist was straightening, obviously coming to a decision. "In any case, I will hopefully be about to find out one way or another." He turned to the girl before Raj could stop him.

"Excuse me. What is your name?"

She dragged her eyes away from the heaving dance floor and raised an eyebrow at him. "It's Alex."

"Alright, Alex. I'm Sheldon Cooper. I believe I require more alcohol; would you allow me to buy you a drink whilst at the bar?"

Alex looked at him as though trying to decide whether he was being serious, then when she decided he was she gave him a quick look up and down to decide whether she was interested. Finally, she nodded slowly. "Sure. Thanks." She waved her empty glass at him. "Vodka and cranberry, please."

Sheldon nodded at her and went to the bar. She watched him go, then slid over to sit next to Raj, who looked briefly terrified before remembering the grasshoppers. He smiled. "Hello."

"Hi. I have a question." Raj's eyes flicked over to the bar where Sheldon was arguing with the barman over the cleanliness of the glass. "Only one?"

"Um. Ok, so...is he always this weird?"

Raj winced. "Honestly? This is him on a _good_ night."

Alex stared at Sheldon's back, eyebrow raised and a small smile playing over her lips. "_Cool_."

...

Penny stared at the TV blankly. She could hear the words, but they sounded like someone mumbling in a foreign language. Her mind was in turmoil, and she was working very hard to still it with vodka. Leonard had knocked on her door about half an hour ago, sounding agitated. He had tried the handle when she hadn't answered, but she'd locked it earlier. She needed to think, but the thoughts wouldn't stay straight in her head. The image of Sheldon with a faceless woman taunted her, and she wondered how she had fallen so hard and so damn _fast_ without noticing. Or...maybe it hadn't been fast; maybe it had been so slow it hadn't registered; something that you took for granted, thought it would always be there, and then it was going on dates and hooking up with tramps in a club while you sat around feeling fucking _sorry_ for yourself.

She was suddenly angry again; angry at herself for wallowing over a man - if it had been any other guy she would just go out and _get_ him. Angry with Sheldon for suddenly deciding he was actually interested in the other half of the human race and still not being interested in _her_.

Well screw it; tonight she was gonna _make_ him interested. She jumped off the couch feeling suddenly energised.

As if reading her mind, her phone beeped. The address of the club popped up, with a short message. _"Sheldon drunk. Can u pick us up? Rajx"_

She grinned and text back. _"B there in 10 x"_

She was ready to go not five minutes later.

On her way out, she thoughtlessly downed the rest of her drink before grabbing her car keys.

* * *

A/N: Thanks to everyone who's reviewed, your comments definitely keep me motivated! Also, quick poll; if Penny and Sheldon do get together (if?) would people want it to end there and be all neat and tidy? Or would anyone be interested in an ongoing thing, like a sort of S/P soap opera? Just toying with some ideas...


	10. Chapter 10

Raj read Penny's reply then tucked the phone away, wondering if he was doing the right thing. Having never before been in a position to cock-block Sheldon, he could only wonder at how many strikes this would merit if he was discovered. Unless his vague, alcohol fuelled plan worked and by some miracle Penny not only saved him from an unfulfilling, random hook-up but also realised some deep, previously hidden feelings towards the lanky scientist and they all lived happily ever after.

Crap. He was gonna be banished _forever_.

It wasn't as if he didn't like Alex; he did, and she _was_ cute. An art major, her sense of humour definitely tended towards the dark side and she was a lot more cynical than someone her age had any real right to be. She knew her mind, though, and seemed to be able to hold her own against Sheldon, too – from what he could gather she was passionately arguing that art was as significant to humanity as science, in the face of a baffling array of quotations and historical examples from the disbelieving man. She had absolutely zero chance of convincing him, but Raj liked her spirit, and was half hoping that if Penny did somehow distract Sheldon then maybe Alex would come argue with him a little.

In fact, if it wasn't for the way he had looked when he was talking about Penny, Raj would have been cheering him on. Instead, he wanted to give him a shake and tell him to stop being an idiot. Some things you really _don't_ need science to tell you, and being unable to talk about a woman without developing a facial tic should be telling you something.

But, this was Sheldon.

No, scratch that; this was _drunk_ Sheldon. And apparently, drunk Sheldon was a lot more relaxed about his personal space than regular Sheldon, who would surely be having a fit at a practical stranger causally touching his bare arm, as Alex was currently doing.

It looked like the argument was coming to an end, and he watched as she leaned in close to whisper in the other mans ear. Whatever she said caused Sheldon to raise an eyebrow, and she raised one of her own in response, accompanying it with a suggestive smile.

Raj looked at his watch, then downed his grasshopper and went for another.

...

Penny climbed into her car and started the engine. The night air had a chill and she shivered as she shifted into reverse.

Her thoughts were on getting to Sheldon, and then...what? She wasn't sure. But she couldn't just sit at home while he was out getting drooled over by stupid girls who wouldn't appreciate him like she would. He was _her_ science geek, damnit.

Distracted, she floored the accelerator.

Unfortunately, completely forgetting to put the car back in drive. There was a horrible crunch of metal and glass as she shot backwards into Leonard's car.

Oh_...crap_.

She sat dazed for a minute after the impact, feeling stupid and embarrassed as she climbed out and surveyed the damage. Her bumper was dented and Leonard's headlight crunched underfoot, and she winced as she pictured the inevitable painful conversation. He was gonna have questions that she didn't really want to answer. She looked about but there were no witnesses, and she wondered if lying was an option. Probably not. It didn't take a genius to add up two slightly battered cars and make them equal a hung-over Penny.

Resigned, she reached into the glove compartment and found a scratty pen and an overdue phone bill, on which she scrawled a brief apology and an IOU before tucking it behind his wiper blade. If the accident hadn't convinced her she was over the limit, the concentration it took to manage this feat would have; her writing looked like she'd let a two year old loose with a biro.

Gritting her teeth with frustration, she set out to find a cab.

...

Sheldon felt his head buzz as he attempted to explain to the girl why she was wrong. Although not on his level intellectually, she was knowledgeable about art – irrelevent as it was – and seemingly about comic books (restricted mostly to DC universe, regrettably) and a limited number of computer games. It was enough to hold his interest, anyway, and he was finding the buzz and the company rather agreeable. Unfortunately, his words weren't coming out quite right and Alex was unable to understand how deluded she was. Frustrated, he sighed. "If I wasn't so intoxicated, this argument would already be over."

She grinned. He was a little nuts, in an eccentric genius type way, and she liked him. Confidence was a thing for her; even that bordering on arrogance, when it was justified, which she guessed it was when you were as scary smart as Sheldon. She would probably want to kill him if she had to live with him, but hell, he was cute (_um, pretty hot, actually, _her brain insisted, but she shushed it) and her supposed friend had disappeared a long time ago. So, she was up for a little fun. Subtle flirting wasn't getting her anywhere; he didn't seem so hot on body language, so he would probably need it spelling out to him. That was fine with her.

"If you want, we can continue when you're sober. Unless you're afraid of getting your ass kicked by a college student."

He scowled at her. "Highly unlikely. Anyway, the chances of us meeting again when sober are slim to say the least. We live in very different geographic locations, we mix in different social circles, and I already have enough friends to adequately fill my time. I'm not looking to add to their number."

She looked at him. "I wasn't thinking of being your _friend_, Sheldon." She leaned close to his ear and he felt her breath against the side of his face. Tilting his head down to hear her better, he realised he was staring at her cleavage and blushed. He quickly looked away, but not before feeling the his stomach do a strange flip. She didn't seem to notice, just carried on speaking.

"In fact, I wasn't actually thinking of this going on beyond breakfast tomorrow. Or maybe lunch, depending on your stamina." She leaned back a little and watched as understanding dawned on his face, his reaction - slowed by alcohol - some mixture of embarrassment and incredulity.

Finally, he cleared his throat. "Are you propositioning me, Alex?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. He tilted his head briefly, before feeling it start to spin and quickly straightening again.

Her own eyebrow lifted in response and a smile crept across her lips. "Well, yeah. So...you interested?"

The image that flashed into his mind was of Penny, kissing him. It was a pleasant image, but it brought back the disconcerting feelings he'd been determinedly ignoring. Instinctively, if reluctantly, he thought back to that night, remembering her in his room _(his room!) _barefoot and crying, remembering the warmth he'd felt as she pressed against him, remembering how something inside him had stirred at the contact. Stirred for probably the first time _ever_.

He forced himself to stop, instead recalling his words to Raj, about her being inside his head, his odd emotional – and yes, physical - reaction, the confusion and the sleepless nights, and he remembered why he had come to the club in the first place.

Did that make him 'interested'?

The temperature in the room suddenly seemed to rise another ten degrees as Alex laid the palm of her hand high on his thigh. He felt goosebumps spread down his arms, raising the hairs there, and he was conscious of a trickle of perspiration running unpleasantly down his spine. He stared down at her hand, torn. His body appeared to have made its own decision completely independent of his emotions, which were attempting to register their discomfort in the face of an overwhelming surge of adrenaline and oxytocin. His mind, meanwhile, was still insisting he complete his experiment.

This, in the end, was the reason he didn't pull away when she gently tugged him close and pressed her lips against his.

...

Watching from the bar, Raj groaned.

...

* * *

A/N: Thanks for the reviews and responses :) Will do either an epilogue or a sequel, I think...


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: OK, so I just realised it looked a bit like I was finishing the fic there! What I meant to say is that when I've finished the main story I'll do an epilogue or sequel with a bit about what happens next :-) I still have a couple of chapters to go yet, so hope people are enjoying it!

* * *

There had been no cabs. Eventually she had remembered her phone and rang for one, then after ten minutes realised she might as well have _walked_, the damn thing was taking so long. She was cursing under her breath when it finally turned up and she had to bite her tongue to stop from shouting at the driver to _put your foot down, godamnit_.

By the time she had reached the club and hurled ten dollars at him, she was exhausted and frustrated and more than a little pissed off. She blamed Sheldon; if he hadn't had so many freaking morals she wouldn't be in this situation; she'd have him out of her system by now. She buried the irritating thought that insisted she was wrong.

Also, a little voice at the back of her head was saying that maybe, just maybe, this was not such a good idea. She had no idea what she was going to say to him, or how he would react. She realised there was a fair chance he would just run away at any declaration of feelings, even of the mildest kind.

Well then, she would just have to make sure he couldn't escape.

She barged through the crowd and made her way to the bar. She could see Raj staring morosely into his drink and headed over, tapping him on the shoulder to get his attention. He brightened when he saw her, then looked a little afraid when he saw the expression on her face; her cheeks were flushed and her eyes glinted. She was a woman on a mission.

"Alright, where is he?"

He paused, unsure whether to tell her; Penny was formidable when vexed and he was a little worried for Sheldon's safety. Unfortunately, she was in no mood to take any prisoners. She narrowed her eyes at him, making his stomach flip unpleasantly, and he instinctively looked over to where Sheldon was sitting. She turned to follow his gaze, and froze in shock.

Sheldon was not sitting alone; her view of him was partially blocked by a short woman who appeared to be standing between his knees, facing him. She appeared, in fact, to be attached to his face. By the lips.

Raj watched as Penny stood unnaturally still. Her face betrayed a range of emotions – all of them negative - and it suddenly occurred to him that maybe he hadn't been too far off with his 'hidden feelings' hope. He thought for a second that she was going to cry and panicked, looking for an escape route, before she marshalled herself and set her jaw so hard you could crack rocks on it.

Inside her head, it was like a tornado had hit. Shock and disbelief were replaced rapidly with a desperate urge to cry. Crying was her default response to any kind of trauma, but this time the added edge of humiliation was enough to push her quickly through _sad_ and back into the darker but much more straightforward world of _angry_.

"_**What the HELL?"**_

She had been loud enough to draw stares from the nearest dancers, which saved her the job of pushing them out of the way as they cleared a path in the face of her rage. She moved through them unseeing, focussed on her target. She didn't have a plan for when she reached the pair, but was quite sure something would present itself, although whether it would be for Sheldon or the mystery woman she wasn't sure. She was torn between pulling her off him by her hair and telling her to find her own damn genius, or simply letting rip at Sheldon in a blaze of emotion he would probably never understand.

She got to within three feet of them before Sheldon opened his eyes and saw her.

She stopped suddenly, her anger momentarily forgotten at being caught unprepared. He pulled away from the kiss and stared at her. She searched his face, looking for a reaction; shock, surprise, guilt, pleasure...anything to suggest he felt _something. _

What she got, was nothing. A blank stare, with possibly the slightest hint of a raised eyebrow if she squinted.

And oh, _God_, that hurt.

It was almost a physical pain, and she took a half step back. The emotions that had propelled her this far drained away, and she just felt empty and strangely numb. She was vaguely aware of a hand on her arm as Raj tried to pull her away but she shook him off, pushing through the sweaty bodies in the crowded club to the sanctuary of the street. She took several deep breaths, trying to clear her head, and fought desperately to catch the sob that was trying to escape her chest. She leaned against the wall, feeling the chill of the air soothe her as she organised her whirling thoughts.

_Ok. This was just an unrequited crush. It wasn't the first time and it sure as hell won't be the last. Deal with it. _

She found, when she thought about it like that, it almost didn't hurt at all. She had done it before, with Kurt; reduce the feeling down to emotionless thoughts and it loses its impact. Don't allow yourself to _feel_ it.

It usually only worked for a couple of minutes, but right now that was far better than feeling the chasm that was opening inside her.

Swallowing hard, she pushed herself away from the wall and headed out to find another cab.

...

Sheldon had been carefully monitoring his response to Alex's kiss, memorising the data for recording and deconstruction later. There appeared to be a physical response, but not to the intensity of the one he had experienced with Penny. It was...not unpleasant, but not something he could imagine devoting his life to _a la_ Wolowitz.

What he was noticing was the absence of any emotional response, and the main thought in his head was that _this wasn't Penny_. Everything felt different; different pressure of the lips, different taste, different smell. His hands were resting on Alex's hips – for want of anywhere else appropriate to put them – and she didn't _feel_ right. Penny's curves had been softer. And she had moved against him differently...

He felt suddenly flustered, and realised that thinking about Penny was increasing his physical arousal. It felt...traitorous.

He opened his eyes and pulled away from the kiss. For a second he thought he must be hallucinating; standing in front of him was Penny, her mouth open slightly as she breathed heavily. The shock, of her being in his mind and then being there with him, made him freeze. The alcohol fog was obviously having an effect too, as he felt his thoughts moving in slow motion. It was all he could do to stand and look at her, convincing himself that she was real.

This did not appear to be the reaction she desired, as she was unexpectedly gone, vanishing into the crowd. Only then did he regain his senses, standing as if to follow her though not knowing what he would do if he caught her. Alex had been oblivious until now and was thrown off balance as he moved. She stumbled and he shifted quickly to catch her, then looked searchingly into the throng. She followed his gaze, then looked back at him questioningly. He felt his shoulders slump as he muttered his response, eyes probing the crowd once again for the blonde.

"_...Penny...?" _


	12. Chapter 12

This felt familiar.

Face down in a puddle of drool? Brain about to explode? Vague sense of lingering humiliation?

Again, Penny? Really?

At least she'd had the sense to get changed before passing out last night...well, not exactly _changed_, so much as pulled off her clothes and hurled them angrily against the wall, in a kind of sulky, childish tantrum. Her pants had knocked over a lamp.

She dragged herself up and managed a quick shower, trying not to get her hair too wet. The hairdryer was not her friend this morning; that kind of noise was not welcome so close to her head.

She looked at the clock as she pulled on a pair of bottoms and a fresh t shirt. A twinge in her neck reminded her of the little accident with the car and her stomach lurched; any minute now Leonard was going to go and find her note and have some questions. She debated leaving him to it, and just avoiding him for as long as possible but finally decided he might get less mad if she apologised in person. She knew he wouldn't stay pissed at her for long anyway; his crush on her came in handy sometimes. The thought brought an immediate sense of guilt.

Jeez, this was all such a mess.

She still needed to face Sheldon. She was pretty sure he would just be confused and she could exploit that; a quick bit of maths told her she could probably get away with blaming pretty much all of this on hormones, although knowing Sheldon he'd probably want to use her for research on freaking PMT.

She felt the pit at the bottom of her stomach expand slightly at the thought of just giving up on him, but he'd made it pretty clear he wasn't interested. So, the sooner she got this straightened out with him and they could go back to just being friends the sooner she would stop feeling crap. Probably.

It was time to bite the bullet. God knows she'd done _this_ plenty of times; admittedly, it was usually just embarrassing 3am phone calls she was grovelling apologies for, but the principle was the same. She downed her coffee black, then headed across the corridor. She took a deep breath then plastered her best effort at a smile on her face, pushing open the door.

The woman from the club was in their kitchen.

Making pancakes.

_Oh my God. Why was she here? Had she stayed the night...with Sheldon? What the __**hell**__? _

She had a sudden, horrible image of the stranger in Sheldon's bed. That thought alone was like being slapped; when she thought of her in there with _him _she felt sick. She resisted the urge to start kicking ass and instead watched, open mouthed, as Leonard fussed around her, handing her utensils and ingredients. When he noticed Penny he froze, then quickly looked from one woman to another.

"Um, hey Penny." When she didn't reply he continued uncertainly. "This is Alex. She's...she's a friend of Sheldon's."

Alex looked up from mixing the batter just as Sheldon came out of the bathroom. He stopped when he saw Penny, then looked from her to Alex to Leonard, evaluating the tension in the room. Finally he spoke.

"Good morning, Penny."

She looked at him incredulously. The anger that she had buried the night before came flooding back, and she briefly wondered whether this _was_ something to do with her hormones, because she was suddenly more pissed than she had ever been. She knew it was irrational and she knew it was none of her business who the hell he fucked...but right now, she didn't give a damn about rational. She rounded on him.

"_Good morning_, Sheldon?! _Good morning_?! That's it? That's all you've got to say?" She closed the distance between them and watched as he fought the urge to retreat from her anger. "Y'know, it was fine that you rejected me when I thought women just weren't your 'thing'. I could handle that, even if I wasn't totally convinced because I _know_ what I felt that night and it was _definitely_ interest." She looked at him pointedly and felt briefly smug as he blushed. She could sense Leonard opening his mouth to interrupt and whirled on him. "Seriously, not the time for this, Leonard. In fact, it's actually none of your damn business, so stay the hell out of it." She turned back to Sheldon. "And then, what? You're going on dates and making out with women you barely even know?! I mean, do you realise how insulting that is? To be rejected by you and then find out you screwed some random _whore_ you picked up in a bar?"

From the corner of her eye she saw the woman glance at Sheldon. Penny mentally dared her to say something but she remained silent. Sheldon's jaw was set and his eyes were dark. After a long moment in which the only noise was Penny's breathing, he spoke tightly.

"Are you finished?"

The anger was dissipating as fast as it had appeared, and she felt the chasm inside her gape as she looked at him.

When she answered, her response was soft, resigned.

"You know what, Sheldon? Yeah. _I'm finished_."

Ignoring their stares, she turned and left.

...

As the door slammed, Leonard dragged his thoughts back from the awful place they had visited during Penny's speech. Sheldon had _rejected_ her? What the hell did that mean? He looked at the other man; Sheldon was staring at the door, his jaw clenched. Leonard shook himself. That Penny had feelings for Sheldon was bizarre enough, but that Sheldon had had the opportunity to do something about it and had refused...? That was...mind boggling.

He watched as Sheldon appeared to come to a decision and stalked out silently after Penny, leaving Leonard and a vaguely bemused looking Alex.

"Sooo...I guess that was Penny."

"Um, yeah." He thought for a second. "She's not usually that crazy, though. And I'm pretty sure she didn't mean that whole _whore_ thing." He gave her a weak smile.

Alex didn't look convinced. "So she's the reason I got the couch and he spent the night hiding in his bedroom?"

He was surprised, although he wasn't sure why; finding the cute redhead making breakfast in his kitchen had caused more than a little confusion, but he hadn't seriously considered that Sheldon had done anything with her. He imagined there would be some sort of a sign if Sheldon ever lost his virginity; possibly some manner of plague or pestilence and the four horsemen of the apocalypse setting up camp in the foyer.

"Really? Oh." He frowned. "I guess. You never really know with Sheldon. It could have been emotional distress, but then it's equally likely he just thought you were carrying a pathogen." He squinted at her. "You didn't sneeze or anything did you?"

She raised an eyebrow and resumed mixing her batter. "Not that I recall." She looked up and caught him glancing back at the door. "She was supposed to be yours, right? At least, that's what I'm getting from the way you look like you've just been kicked in the happy sack."

He started to protest but wilted under her gaze. "What? Nooo.....Well. Um, kinda. Something like that. I mean, it doesn't matter though. We're just friends, really. And if Sheldon likes her..." the thought caught in his throat, but he struggled on "...that's fine. And weird. But fine. I guess."

Alex was silent for a minute, watching him. He shifted uncomfortably. Finally she shrugged.

"Whatever. You got any objections to whore-made pancakes?"

...

Penny hadn't sat down. She had stormed about the lounge, picking up random soft furnishings and throwing them at the couch. It was that or cry, and she was done crying. She was done with _him_.

"Penny?" _knockknockknock _"Penny?" _knockknockknock_ "Penny?" _knockknockknock._

The banging on the door was loud, but she didn't answer; she threw a cushion at it instead.

There was a moment of silence after the impact and she waited for the next round of knocking. It didn't come. As angry as she was at him, she was nevertheless irritated that he had given up so easily. She had turned to go to the bedroom when she heard the door open, and stopped, her back to him. _Hah_.

"_What?"_

"I don't know what business it is of yours, but I feel I should correct you on one point. I didn't, as you so crudely put it, 'screw' her."

She could hear the distaste in his voice, and she revelled in it. She turned to face him.

"Oh, so what? You _fucked_ her? No, wait...that's too dumb for _Dr Sheldon Cooper, PhD_" she mocked. "So, what? You 'engaged in coitus', right?" She could see him getting angry. It was childish, to wind him up, but it made her feel better.

"_No_. Alex slept on the couch."

The wind momentarily left her sails; she felt something leap in her chest and smothered it. Angry was better. Angry was less painful.

"Well why is _Alex_ even here? One minute you're making out with her in a club and then she's sleeping on your couch? What the hell is _that_?" She closed the distance between them, arms crossed, and carried on. "What kind of man are you, Sheldon? I mean, she's hot. She sure seemed into you at the club. Why _didn't_ you screw her? _What's wrong with you_?"

His eyes narrowed and he took a step forward. "Alex is here because she required a place to sleep after her so-called 'friend' had deserted her. If Raj hadn't found a woman drunk enough to let him dance with her, I would have insisted she stay at his instead. You know my dislike of having strange people in the apartment." She rolled her eyes, but he continued. "And there is nothing 'wrong' with me. I have been engaging in a social experiment. I think the question is, what is wrong with _you_ that we are having this conversation? Because if this is, as I suspect, jealousy, then you should know it's very unbecoming."

"Oh, is it?" She took a step back. "Well, you know who doesn't find me 'unbecoming' Sheldon? _Leonard_. Actually, I might go and see what he's up to tonight." She went to push past him, watching his face for the evidence she wanted. In the end, it wasn't his face that told her she'd hit a nerve.

The feel of his fingers curling tightly around her wrist was enough to take her back to the night that started all this. It was like a flashback in its intensity; suddenly she was stood barefoot in his bedroom, feeling the heat emanating from him as he pulled her close, close enough to kiss. She realised she had replayed the moment over in her head a hundred times, but none of her fantasies had been this vivid.

This time, there was nothing sweet and gentle about his kiss. He pulled her to him and crushed his lips to hers, his hand going to the side of her face before burying itself in her hair, holding her firmly. For a moment she was frozen, then she kissed back, pushing against him, each fighting the other for dominance. She slipped her tongue into his mouth and felt his other hand tighten its grip where it had settled on her hip. He made a soft, completely involuntary groan and she pressed herself against him, her hands touching the flesh of his back where his shirts were riding up. The thought came into her head, unwittingly, that he was more experienced this time. Then the image of him in the club was there and she pulled out of his hold and stepped back, distancing herself as she breathed heavily. She looked up at him, taking in his flushed cheeks and huge pupils. He cleared his throat and crossed his arms protectively under her gaze. Her head spun, but she had a question she needed answering before anything else.

"Was that part of your experiment?"

He looked startled and his forehead creased. "No. Well, not exactly."

She raised her eyebrows and tried to keep her temper. "Not exactly? What do you mean?"

He shifted uncomfortably. "The experiment was to determine the nature of my feelings for you. Since our...previous encounter...I've found myself unable to stop thinking about you. I can't sleep, my appetite is reduced, and my abillity to concentrate is greatly impaired. Leonard even beat me at Klingon Boggle, although I'm still not convinced he wasn't cheating." He noticed her glare and continued hurridly. "Anyway. I wanted to know if the feeling was unique to you, and I am, in all things, a scientist. So I conducted an experiment." He couldn't meet her eye.

Klingon Boggle notwithstanding, she felt like the world was very gently shifting under her feet, as though someone was slowly but insistently pulling a rug out from underneath her. She tried to grab hold of her thoughts.

"Ok, so you did an experiment...what was with the kiss?"

He finally looked at her and gave a kind of half-shrug. "It was the result."

She stared at him with the horrible idea that her mouth was hanging open but feeling completely unable to close it. He waited, then when she didn't respond, he continued.

"You were the only woman to elicit both a physical and emotional response from me. Given how long it's taken for such a thing to occur, I believe the likelihood of there being anyone else out there who could achieve the same feat is exceedingly slim. Of course, your apparent jealousy aside, I will understand if you do not reciprocate. Although I must point out my eminent superiority over all of your previous mates, and..."

She cut him off, mid speech. "Sheldon, shut up." He stopped immediately and just looked at her. She reached out and placed her hands on his waist for balance, then stood on her toes and kissed him softly. She watched as his eyes flickered closed, then lowered herself down, resting her hands on his chest. She waited till he opened his eyes, and smiled up at him.

"I like you too, Sheldon. And this time I'm not just looking for..._external validation._"

He smiled, looking genuinely pleased, although she wasn't sure whether it was at the sentiment or that she had used his words. Either way, looking at him she felt a rush of something flood her chest. It threatened to overwhelm her, so she did the only thing she could think of.

She kissed him again, and marvelled at how you could feel a smile through a kiss.

...

The End.


End file.
